Personal essays
On reconnecting with people who used to be your people as well as new people.
Nothing
I was thinking about all of the people I used to see all the time that I just don’t see anymore.
Nothing happened.
There was no fight or obvious reason - it’s just that the thing that connected us no longer exists.
I spent four years of college with people I saw all the time. We shared meals, sat in classes and studied together, and hung out for more reasons than I care to admit at the campus radio station.
There were the other parents I saw more than once a week at my kids soccer practice or band concerts.
There were people I interacted with all the time in past jobs as we learned from each other about the technologies we were trying to master.
And then …
What happened?
Nothing. I graduated from college and stayed in touch with some people. Maggie stopped playing youth soccer and went off to college and beyond. I hear from one of the other parents now and then or bump into one somewhere. I’m no longer in the Java ecosystem so I don’t see most of those folks either. I run into one now and then.
We’re just not in the same tribe any more.
Catching up
I decided not to go to my forty-fifth college reunion. It’s not my thing in so many ways. I looked at the list of people who are attending and saw a couple that I’d love to see - but not at a reunion. It would be nice to meet for a meal or a cup of coffee.
So I reached out to a couple. I also inadvertently reconnected with some people I’d known in previous tribest.
It’s been fun.
We exchanged stories of times gone by and what’s happened since.
Some stories involved their kids and what they’re doing.
Others regaled me with medical conditions and how they’re doing.
My favorite was a dinner I had last week with a friend I hadn’t seen in forty-six years.
I thought of him when I decided not to go to my reunion. He graduated a year ahead of me and wouldn’t have been there anyway. I sent him an email and before I knew it my phone was ringing and indicating that he was calling.
We caught up for ten minutes or so and promised to continue when we had more time.
After we hung up I remembered that he lived in Denver. Hey - I’m going to be in Denver. I emailed to suggest we get together and a few days later he picked me up at the hotel I was staying at outside of Denver and we went to a place he knew and talked for hours.
Forty-six years worth of catching up and yet we talked like no time had passed. It was as if we’d just seen each other yesterday but had forty-six years of stories to tell each other.
I don’t know what got me to reach out to these people but I highly recommend it.
It doesn’t have to be a regular thing but I felt so much better after these emails, phone calls, coffee meetings, and dinner conversations.
Do it.
Traveling
So why was I in Denver?
I was invited to a conference for a tribe I used to belong to.
For the last twenty years I’ve worked in, coded for, and taught and wrote about native development for Apple platforms. Before that, I was in the Java world.
The technical details don’t matter.
The point is that last week I saw interesting talks on things that are relevant to what I do now but our tribe doesn’t tend to think about the same things that their tribe does.
It’s like traveling to a different country and eating food I don’t eat at home. I then come home and try finding the ingredients to make the dishes in my own kitchen.
I learned things in this Java Enterprise conference that I’m going to try to bring back to my own world. Maybe Swift doesn’t have the ingredients that I’ll need. Maybe I’ll be able to get close.
Whatever the result, I’m sure my perspective has been broadened. I’ve been exposed to different cultures and habits.
Traveling outside of my world is so valuable.
Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 343. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe