Personal essays
On choosing which f’s to give.
Attention
I’m beginning to wonder if each of us has just so many f’s to give. (As in “who gives an “f”.)
Caitlin says that she rations them carefully. She reckons she’s like Goldilocks and doesn’t too few or too many - always just right.
The amount is different for each of us and it no doubt grows and shrinks over time but lately I’ve noticed I’ve hit my limit and think that I should be more purposeful in acquiring these f’s.
I’m also looking to clean out my locker full of f’s. It’s time to jettison things I care about mainly out of habit.
My local (american) football team has been awful for so long that last year I just couldn’t manage to watch them. Watching a lot less football meant that I ended up with a lot of time and energy to care about other things.
I’ll continue that and add to it.
The college football playoffs expanded to include so many teams that I’ve decided that this year I’m done with college football too. The regular season used to mean something. Even in years that my interest waned, I still paid attention to the Big 10. But the Big 10 grew to eleven then Maryland and Rutgers and USC and UCLA - it’s not that scrappy group of midwest public schools that it once was. Done.
I like baseball but not enough to figure out where the games are broadcast and who I’d have to pay to watch the games.
Basketball - done.
Whew. I cleared out a lot and that was just the sports section.
I’ve already eliminated local news and network news.
I’ll clear out more - but maybe, like Caitlin’s Goldilocks, I now have too few f’s to give.
Being Careful
The problem is that someone is always trying to give you their f’s to care about.
During the World Cup, people who won’t watch another soccer (football) game for at least another four years had all sorts of suggestions on how to improve the game.
It didn’t even make the shortlist for my f’s to give.
The trans issues being discussed in the WNBA? Not even close.
Conservation of f’s is how we are controlled. Folks get us all worked up about the trans issue or Dr. Faucci so that if we fall for it and take it on, we find we no longer care about the destruction of the East Wing, the price of gas, the war in Iran, …
Even Goldilocks was complaining about things that were none of her business.
This bed’s too hard?
It’s not your f’ing bed. Papa bear is happy with it.
This bed’s too soft?
Again, Mama bear loves it that way.
Who invited you in to walk around and start complaining?
New Ones
In the early 80s I worked for a radio station where we picked our own music.
That almost never happens. Usually a computer or some set rotation picks the music you play.
We had to vary our music based on the type of music, the age of the music, and the tempo of the music.
The tempo was supposed to go up and down like a sin wave. The age were so many brand new songs an hour, so many that had been out a while, some from the 80s, some from the 70s, and some from the 60s. The type was everything from rock, classic rock, R & B, folk rock, and so on.
I think that’s the way you should choose your new f’s.
You can look around at other people’s f’s, you can consider long-forgotten f’s, and you can seek out ones that are new to you.
That’s just one axis. On another axis you should mix stuff that’s fun with stuff that’s good for you or good for others.
I’m shopping for a new sport to care about.
Maggie and I are going to Australia for a Rugby tournament she’s playing in. She’s taught me to love the game and I’d like to find a way to watch more than the Six Nations tournament here in the states.
Steven Covey wrote about the circle of influence and the circle of concern. He argued that we are happiest when we aren’t concerned about a lot of things we don’t have influence over.
I don’t count sports as something I’m concerned about - it’s a fun diversion and gives me something to care about and chat with friends about.
Elections are coming up - there’s a few f’s I should pick up off the floor and care about again.
I don’t know if everyone is really like Goldilocks. I’m sure there are people who would be just fine with not enough f’s to give. I’m just not one of them.
Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 333. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe