Personal essays
Weight weight don’t tell me
Fresh batteries
Last week I put fresh batteries in my bathroom scale.
Yes - I remember a time when scales didn’t require batteries but I bought a smart scale years and years ago thinking it would help.
Spoiler alert - it didn’t.
Anyway, after reconnecting the scale to the internet -
“Wait Daniel,” you ask, “why is your scale connected to the internet.”
I don’t know. I assume that if it notices I’m losing too much weight, it will quickly order a pizza.
“No need to be sarcastic.”
I suppose you’re right. The scale connects to my phone so that the Health app tracks my weight.
Before my doctor changed systems, my scale was connected to his system and he could see my daily weigh-ins when I went in for a visit.
They switched a year or so ago and so my weigh-ins are between me and my phone.
Anyway, I got on the scale for the first time since August and was happy to see I’d only gained three pounds.
“So you’re happy?”
Right.
Deciding not to do
On the other hand, I was heavier than I should have been in August so I’m not happy that I’m still heavier than I should be.
“So you’re not happy.”
Right.
But I’ll tell you why I am very happy.
I started traveling in August and returned home a bit here or there before getting back in time for Thanksgiving.
During that time I ate at some great places with some wonderful people. I drank beer or wine with friends - not excessively but not sparingly either. If the hotel I was staying in included a hotel breakfast, then I would enjoy it - and if it didn’t I would stop nearby for coffee and often look to see what the pastry case had to offer.
Before I left in August I decided that even though I was not happy with my weight, I was not going to do anything about it until after Thanksgiving.
I walk a lot more when I’m traveling than I do at home so I knew that even if I was eating a lot I would likely stay around where I started - but I put my weight right out of my mind from August until some time last week when I put fresh batteries in my bathroom scale.
I have work to do. Lot’s of work to do. I’m glad I decided not to worry about it until now.
Positive no
Kim’s friends told one of my favorite Kim stories at her funeral.
It was a beautiful day and Kim worked a half day and came home.
The girls greeted her in their bathing suits and asked if they could go swimming.
Kim said yes, but first she had to clean the house. She was raised by a mother who vacuumed every day. Neither Kim or I cleaned that much - I kept the kitchen clean because that’s what I cared about - but I tended to clutter.
The girls sat on the couch with their arms crossed looking unhappy and Kim started to leave to get the vacuum cleaner out of the front hall closet.
She stopped, looked at the girls and said, “no, let’s go swimming.”
As she explained to me and anyone else, “if taking my daughters swimming means my house is messier than I want, then…” and shrugged.
That day she decided that even though she felt she should clean and even though she knew cleaning was something that “needed to be done”, she wasn’t going to do it.
A messy house made her uncomfortable - but not taking advantage of this beautiful day when she and her daughters could spend the afternoon at the city pool? That was unthinkable.
Deciding to not do something frees you to do other things.
Over time we lose sight of the opposite - that every “yes” is a “no” to something else.
Resolutions
I don’t make resolutions this time of year. I follow Chris Brogan’s tradition of choosing three words I will try to live by in 2025. Chris compiles his list early and publishes them in time for the new year. I wait until 2025 to find my themes for the year.
But many of you make resolutions.
This year, I want you to go nuts.
Make a list of every life-changing, self-improving, aspirational thing you will enter the year pretending you can and will accomplish.
Then - before the year begins - take another look at that list.
They likely aren’t all realistic - at least not all at once.
Find one that is too ambitious. Can you revise it in any way? Maybe you said you were going to do something every day. Perhaps every weekday. Maybe every other day. Maybe three times a week. Maybe once a week. Update what you’ve written to reflect that reality.
Find the one that is a good idea but you’re not ready to commit to it. Mark it for later in the year - maybe June - and add a reminder to your calendar. Cross it off your list.
There are probably more like that. Find them. For me, weight loss was something I could put off until I was done traveling and so I did. I made a reminder and put it out of my mind while traveling.
I didn’t want to be that guy who goes into a restaurant in Bologna and avoids the pasta because, you know, the carbohydrates. I didn’t want to stop outside of a gelato shop and think, “no, I really shouldn’t.” So I didn’t. I went inside and ordered.
And then there are the things you care about but doing them takes away from the things that really matter.
Just cross them off.
“But Daniel,” you say, “I really should do that thing.”
I’m sure you should. But the sun is shining and the girls are waiting. Take them swimming.
There’s a lot of value in deciding what you won’t do.
Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 247. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe