Personal essays
You think that’s bad…
Luxury
There’s an old Monty Python routine where four Yorkshiremen sit around topping each other’s stories about how hard they had it growing up.
It starts simply enough for them musing about being glad to have money for a cup of tea, another says cold tea and off they go. A cup of tea without milk or sugar, or tea, in a filthy, cracked cup.
That still isn’t enough. The next drank his non-tea out of a rolled up newspaper.
They play that game describing the house they grew up in (Hillbilly elegy anyone?). One says their house was a hole in the ground covered by a tarp and the next says they were evicted from their hole.
And on it goes.
Each story is clearly a lie, but it needs to be topped.
The tag line to the routine is that if you tell these stories to young people today, they won’t believe it.
Lies
There’s something harmless about four guys in a comedy sketch trading lies.
There are not so harmless moments that feel like one topping another in our current presidential race.
Abortions after the first trimester? Why some states have mandatory abortions in the ninth month. Did I say in the ninth month? I meant after the ninth month.
“But Daniel,” you say, “don’t these lies need to be challenged?”
There’s no time for this. We’re playing a whirlwind game of political improv. Just “Yes and” the last ridiculous statement and top it.
That’s how we get from “We disagree with Democrats” to “Democrats are just tax and spend” to “Democrats are communists” or was it “Democrats are Marxists” (not Zeppo, the funny ones) or maybe “Democrats are Socialists.”
“Wait Daniel,” you say, “which is it? Communist, Marxist, or Socialist.”
It doesn’t matter. They’re all the same.
Narrator’s voice, “they really aren’t.”
Yes, and they’re also…
Aha, you think. They’re stuck.
And then from out of left freaking field they say, “They’re also running a pedophile ring out of the basement of a pizza place.”
What?
I read it somewhere. It’s definitely true. And that’s way worse than taxing and spending or being some “ist”.
And now your side can’t talk to anyone who might be a Democrat because of the pedophile ring thing - even though you know it really isn’t true.
It’s other as a verb.
You other Democrats. You other Jews. You other anyone who lives different than you.
Muslims
Before you tell me that this doesn’t even make sense, I want you to think back to when Obama was running for president.
You had to hold two contradictory things in your mind at once. First, he was a Muslim. He’s not even Christian.
“Don’t believe it?” they said. And then they made sure we knew that his name was Barack Hussein Obama. They added the Hussein as proof in case the rest of his name didn’t convince you. Oh and they said Obama like it was bin Laden’s first name.
But at the same time they wanted you to remember that Obama was Muslim (he wasn’t) and maybe he wasn’t even born in this country (he was) they also wanted you to know that his Christian pastor was somehow a bad man that Obama should distance himself from.
Wait. Obama had a Christian pastor? He regularly went to a Christian church to celebrate his faith. Didn’t you say he’s a Muslim.
You’re missing the point. He IS a Muslim when it’s convenient for us and he’s a Christian who belongs to a dangerous Christian church.
Barack Obama sounds Muslim enough without the Hussein but the Harris might let people forget that Kamala is an other. So they only call her Kamala and they mispronounce it like it’s any harder to say than Jonathan or Catherine.
The first thing I remember from the Trump presidency was the Muslim ban.
As awful as it was (and it was), it was so moving to see taxi drivers and lawyers and everyday citizens show up at airports and offer help to those who were being unfairly singled out.
Muslims were “othered” and a lot of every day Americans allowed themselves to be convinced that it was for our own good.
Others
Immigration has become such a political cudgel that the Democrats in the House and Senate4 were willing to pass a very conservative bill and Biden was willing to sign it.
That would never do. If we take steps to solve that problem then how does the GOP keep us scared.
And so the bill was killed at the same time the people who killed it called for legislation on immigration.
Those people - it’s always “those” people - the others.
There’s a caravan of those people coming to this country bringing the worst of the countries they are fleeing.
“But Daniel,” you say, “that isn’t true. These people are fleeing for a better life the same way our relatives did.”
Honestly, it’s kind of cute that you still thing truth matters.
These others are rapists and murderers. They’re going to commit crimes - but worse than that - if they become citizens, they’re going to vote for Democrats.
Ahhhh.
Those people are coming for your jobs.
Really? Mostly they’re filling jobs that we’re not willing to perform.
No, said the former president in a room full of black journalists, their coming for black jobs.
Then he got the pushback: What is this black job you speak of?
Aha, you think. They’re stuck.
And then Trump turns to the microphone and says, “They’re eating the dogs.”
Dogs
Sure this is a famous racist trope - I still can’t believe he said it.
It’s the pedophiles in the basement.
It’s just another take on blood libel.
Those people are eating the dogs and they are eating the cats.
Just in case you didn’t catch the drift, these aren’t feral animals that are running the streets wild, no, he said, “they’re eating the pets.”
And that’s where, I hope, we can all take a step back. We gain nothing arguing about the pedophiles in the basement or immigrants eating pets or crowd size or whether everyone wanted Roe v Wade overturned (they didn’t).
When we argue these specifics, they win. They know none of those stories are true and now they’ve made us waste time addressing obvious lies.
We need to quickly address the lie and then take a step back and deal with the more specific issues. The debate was a blueprint on how this can be accomplished.
It’s important that we focus on the important things.
No one is eating the dogs.
Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 234. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe