Personal essays
Looking back to look forward
Emails
Last night Hillary gave the speech she needed to give at the Democratic National Convention.
In a way, she was beaten eight years ago by the same forces that led to Biden deferring to Harris.
A narrative became more believable than a reality.
You know the narrative. She wasn’t a good candidate. She was unlikable. You know the Clintons. But her emails.
And so eight years ago the combination of media coverage - remember all of those documents from Wiki Leaks that the media covered then and the same leaks from the Trump campaign that they now say would be irresponsible to publish?
I actually agree. Irresponsible now. Irresponsible then.
But eight years ago.
And ever since something would come up - something about Russian interference, or women’s rights, or the fragile state of our democracy and I would think back to something she said during the campaign or during one of the debates and think, “she was right.”
And even though she wasn’t a good candidate, she was unlikable, you know the Clintons, and but her emails - even though all of that, she still won the vote. It wasn’t enough because votes aren’t equal - we have an electoral college that will certainly be back in the news this fall. But she won the vote.
I think about all that would have been different.
The dark side of our country that came scurrying back into the light after eight years of Obama. Would four of Hillary have been enough or would it have resulting in them doubling down on their doubling down?
I mainly think about the Supreme Court. In a first term she probably wouldn’t have gotten three nominees but she would have gotten two.
Awful things
I remember going to bed on election night knowing that Trump had won.
More than that I remember waking up the next morning and by the time the fog cleared from my head and I sat up and headed for the bathroom it sunk in that it was real.
I don’t tend to catastrophize, but I knew this was going to be worse than we imagined.
I couldn’t have possibly anticipated the details or imagined who would suffer, but I had watched moral republicans justify “grab her by the pussy” and belittling members of the military, and making fun of the disabled, and multiple marriages, affairs,and assaults.
It was no but-her-emails and so they lined up behind him.
I wish that feeling wasn’t something I’d felt before, but it was.
Hillary’s speech wasn’t the only reason I’d paused to think back eight years yesterday.
Yesterday was the eighth anniversary of Kim’s accident.
She didn’t die that day. That would be eight years ago Friday.
But eight years ago I went to bed late. We left the hospital so late that they were no longer charging for parking at the garage. The barrier was up.
I woke up the next morning and relived what I had seen the day before.
I spent much of the week at the hospital as family and friends came to visit, share stories, and pray.
All of it was welcome but none changed the inevitable.
Eight years ago Kim died and Trump was elected.
It was a tough year.
Prayer
Eight years ago the Democratic National Convention was held a month earlier.
Kim was still alive, Trump was not yet president, and hope was still in the air.
We watched the Reverend William Barber. It’s an amazing speech that began with him warning about those that would later form what is being called Christian Nationalism. He was “so concerned about those who say so much about what God says so little while saying so little about what God says so much.”
He said that he was “worried about the way faith is cynically used by some to serve hate, fear, racism, and greed.”
I’m not religious - not in any way. But Barber pointed out that really these people aren’t either. They may cloak themselves in their religion but the truly religious work for the betterment of all of us.
Last night, Senator and Reverend Raphael Warnock, continued this message. Warnock was elected to the senate the night before the January 6 insurrection. He showed up to his speech with years of experience and a pocket filled with receipts.
Warnock said that “Behind the big lie is a bigger lie that this increasingly diverse American electorate does not get to determine the future of the country.”
He said, “A vote is a kind of prayer for the kind of world we desire for ourselves and for our children, and we are stronger when we pray together.”
I’m not religious - not in any way.
But Warnock is not telling us to sit at home and pray.
He’s asking us to vote. That act is the prayer that might help us realize our other prayers.
Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 230. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe