Keep Two Thoughts

Personal essays


Being Seen - Essay from Newsletter 150

Disappearing as I age

Hey, that’s me

When I was younger I remember women commenting on how they had become invisible as they aged.

It wasn’t that they longed for a time when men were leering or paying them inappropriate attention, but they could sit at a bar waiting to be served and not be noticed.

I don’t pretend to know what it feels like to get the unwanted attention or to become invisible, but I’m feeling something at the programming conferences I attend these days.

I’ve said for years that most of the speakers and attendees are closer to my daughter’s age than to mine - but I paused this morning to make the calculation and the cut off is a little under 45 years old.

Given that, I can’t think of any speakers this past year and few attendees are closer to my age than hers.

In fact, most of the speakers are in the bottom quartile of that gap - say less than 35 years old - as are most attendees.

I’ve begun to wonder if I’m aging out of this part of the community.

I don’t see people who look like me at these conferences.

On the other hand, I’m glad to see conferences working harder to recruit speakers who are women, non-binary, or people of color.

It’s important that these groups see people on stage who look like them. It’s a signal that they belong in this community.

What does a representative look like

This past week we watched the ugly efforts of the GOP removing Representative Ilhan Omar from serving on one of her committees.

The message is clear. She doesn’t look like a member of congress, she looks like someone who might be a threat.

I stopped to think of what a member of congress looks like.

They mostly look like taller, richer versions of people like me.

And yet.

My member of congress, Shontel Brown, is a black woman. If she hadn’t been elected, her most credible opponent was also a black woman.

She replaced Marcia Fudge when Fudge was asked to serve on Biden’s cabinet as the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Fudge replaced the great Stephanie Tubbs Jones who began her tenure in congress in 1999.

So for more than twenty years, our congressional representative has been a black woman.

Jones replaced Louis Stokes who served in congress starting in 1969.

So for more than fifty years, our congressional representative has been a person of color.

Representation matters. I don’t think there’s a white person in my district who doesn’t think that they could serve in politics because our representative has been a black person for more than half a century. But there are people of color who see that and realize that it is possible that they too could.

What does an iOS developer look like

So do we need more white males on stage at an iOS conference?

No, but as I look around and don’t see other people who look like me, I’ve wondered if I still belong.

I don’t mean white and male - these categories continue to be overrepresented.

I mean older. I often don’t see anyone within two decades of my age.

When I was in Singapore, one of the speakers gave a talk on the importance of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion at work.

She is roughly my daughter’s age and I’ve seen her give technical talks at various conferences over the past four years. She’s always very good at explaining difficult topics in a way that makes them seem important and accessible.

D.E.I. can be a difficult topic.

It’s hard for some people to understand why its important that companies hire people who don’t look like them into positions that they might be competing for.

It’s easier to think about D.E.I. in the abstract once you have your high-paying job.

She mentioned women, people of color and other categories.

And then she mentioned older developers.

At her age she might have meant people in their thirties - but I don’t think so.

I looked up from my seat in the back of the auditorium and realized that I’ve started to feel invisible in this community.

Suddenly, I felt seen.

And it felt really nice.

I returned to my country where we’re busy removing books from shelves, rewriting history, and creating laws that make it harder to live if you’re not both white and male.

I understand and appreciate my privilege.

If you asked me to draw a cartoon of a member of congress I would likely not draw someone who looks like any of the people who have represented my district in the past fifty years.

Yet and still, I appreciated that someone on stage at a conference I attended took a moment to recognize the value in having people my age in the community.

Essay from Dim Sum Thinking Newsletter 150. Read the rest of the Newsletter or subscribe


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